Thursday, September 29, 2011

The NO Zone

Who are you stumbling for? Who are you failing for? Who are you drinking / drugging for?

Tough question, although not really. Often the very people you blame for your problems in your life are the ones you may be hanging your disfunction on as a reason to stay dysfunctional. After all pain, rejection, disappointment - these are simple, expected emotions. Victory, achievement, joy - these are emotions you may not always expect on a consistent basis, but pine for nonetheless.

This is what I call living in The NO Zone; a place we desperately wish we could get out of, but one that is too familiar, certain, and consistent to leave because at least you know what to expect from it. It's safer to stay here and live a life of want, than to venture out and risk losing everything. And so you stay in your corner and develop elaborate schemes to blame outside forces for your immobilization. This blame game is simple: you have a person or event in your life which you wear like a coat, protecting you from risking a more powerful future, a more positive life. Perhaps you have your whole story set up: "He did this, so therefore I am like this..." you'll say to yourself and anyone else who listens. "I'm like this because of this..." you might continue.


Today is the day you release your 'reasons' for failure and take on a new story of success - a story you can begin writing right now with these simple phrases...

"Today is the day. I am the person."
"I make the choice, God makes the change."

You already know what you need to let go of to move forward. Jealousy of another, hatred, blame, resentment, and on and on. You already know, but hanging on to these negative emotions let you have one aspect of control over your life - being RIGHT. You get to be right about your anger by making the other person / thing wrong.

And so you stay in The NO Zone getting to be right, and never moving forward.

Are you ready to release this negative aspect and begin anew? Today? NOW?

If so, you have one thing to do - you already know what it is. Do it and the results will astound you.

Today is the day. You are the person. You make the choice, God will make the change.

Choose wisely, powerfully, lovingly... and see what happens.

Know yourself, don't NO yourself.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Being Of Service - Creating a More Productive, Happier YOU

What is your gift? What are you better at than anyone you know? Are you sharing that talent with the world?

I can tell you in my own life that discovering my true calling; coaching people through transitions in their lives, was only the beginning of my journey toward so called ‘success.’ Once I had a clear picture of who I was as a coach, I was still left with that nagging question: “Now what?”

If you’re stuck in a “Now What?” phase situation, the best move to take is toward knowing yourself and your skills better. Below are my 4 Players of Productivity. Each character represents a part of the brain that we all access from time to time. You will no doubt relate to one or two of these players.

1. She’s the Boss – The leader, the person in charge who has a final vision in mind and gets the best people around her to accomplish the task at hand. She is demanding, but acknowledging, tough, but fair. She rules the roost. Her no-nonsense approach takes no prisoners, but leaves none behind.

2. The Idea Guy. He takes the boss’s vision and conceptualizes a big picture plan of what the outcome can look like. He sees the project from start to finish without sweating the details. He gets excited about the plan, rallies the group, and explains the vision with gusto. His creativity and spirit motivates the group.

3. Room Mom. The nurturer of the group. She makes sure that everyone is happy, working together, and has everything they need to work effectively. Not concerned with outcomes, details, or the big picture, the HRC simply wants everyone to have the best experience possible working together to create the best possible outcome.

4. The Accountant – You’ll find him in the back room with his head down, focused intensely on the details of the project: budget; contracts; specific wording; and all the other details that must be attended to in order to make sure the project is done right the first time. Without the Accountant, too many things would be left to chance, increasing risk, and minimizing results.

You may have a combination of two or three of these key players. A rare few possess all four equally. If you’re stuck in the “Now What?” phase and need a boost, get out and let your strongest trait shine to the world. Be the Boss and lead the PTA at your kids’ school. Take on the VP role and conceptualize a neighborhood block party, getting others on the block to work out the details and invitations. If you’re the HRC type, step up at work where you can utilize your caring, nurturing style to increase happiness and productivity. And if you’re the accountant type, see if there’s someone in your life who needs a detail-oriented person like you to help them sort through a mess.

The answer to the “Now What?” questions may be out of your control. But if you’re not happy, you’re not utilizing your talents to their fullest. Don’t worry about getting paid right now – there’s more in the joy of doing what you do best (and doing it for others) than any paycheck can bring. Serve, and see what comes back to you.

Know yourself, don’t know yourself

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

3 Tips to keep you in the "Yes" column in your life

I recently published a post in Maria Shriver's blog section of her website. Hope this helps you keep yourself away from the "No's" and flirty with the "Yes's"! Enjoy:

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Fear Itself

Fear is in the mind. So it stands to reason that if the mind can create the fear, then it can cure the fear as well, right?

As reported in the Sept 7th issue of Science Daily...

"When healthy people are faced with threatening situations, they react with a suitable behavioural response and do not descend into a state of either panic or indifference, as is the case, for example, with patients who suffer from anxiety."

The study goes on to show how scientists have identified the stress-causing circuits which can cause anxiety and increase unwanted fear, hoping to create a more specific drug to treat the symptoms of fear and anxiety.

The shame here is that you and I both know what causes the anxiety which increases the fear. Anxiety is fear of the future turning out badly. If we project a bad outcome, based on previous bad outcomes, we will focus on that unreal, but projected outcome and assume its going to happen - opening up a flood gate of emotions, fears, and behaviors which will steer us right into the outcome we so fear. This is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's like driving on a snowy road; conditions are slick and dangerous. All of a sudden we see a light pole ahead and we want to avoid it, but because it is something we fear, it becomes the one thing we focus on and eventually we smash right into it! This is what anxiety does to our lives - it steers us right into the very thing we fear, because it is the very thing we're focusing on.

Try this simple exercise to reduce anxiety...

Pick something in your future that scares you: A job interview; a blind date; public speaking; paying your property taxes! Now close your eyes and imagine yourself 15 minutes after the event feeling amazing, everything went off without a hitch, you nailed it, nothing went wrong! Now take that emotion and put yourself 15 minutes before the event. Where's the fear? Is it still there, or is it gone?

Remember... fear is created by our own minds, so we can stop it and reverse it. Understand that the reason you fear something is because you don't have a relationship with its positive outcome. So create one, and the anxiety will melt away.

Know yourself, don't NO yourself